A recent medical scare caused me to reflect on transience, impermanence, and loss; it also caused me to think about simpler, more effective, and more immediate rubrics to deal with fear.
Back at the beginning of pandemic in March of 2020, I wrote a long post on living with fear, which seemed to be our new normal. While I still think what I wrote is practical and useful, I didn’t think it provided a simple but comprehensive tool, like a Swiss Army knife, that had everything you needed in a small package and could be used quickly and easily when the need arose. So I thought about refining those lessons and creating a simpler model for addressing fear in the moment.
If you are suddenly in a situation in which you are feeling fearful (as I was, courtesy of an unexpected retinal detachment), the following is a simple, useful guide for managing your fear — and it’s got an acronym you are not likely to forget. Just remember F.E.A.R. and you’ll have some simple tools you can use to defuse your fear response and transmute it into something more beneficial in the moment.
F = Focus. When faced with something fearful, our instincts are to fight it or to run away (“fight or flight”). If it’s not an immediate, life-or-death situation, however, the best option is often neither of these: instead, it’s to focus on the situation at hand, being fully present and mindful of what’s happening right now, and bringing all your powers of curiosity and rationality to bear. What is really going on? How serious is it? Who or what can help me? Focusing and asking clear questions are the first steps to becoming less fearful and more effective, whatever you’re facing.
E = Embrace and Engage with Ease. Next, fully embrace and engage with what’s in front of you. Fear clouds the mind, but if you first focus on what is causing your fear, that will help clear the mental fog so your rational mind can begin to engage. As you do so, feel yourself beginning to relax, first physically, then mentally — drop your shoulders, breathe deeply and regularly, and feel your mind clear as you begin to feel more at ease with what is happening. Now you can begin to problem-solve and address the cause of your fear, rather than go blank and react mindlessly.
A = Accept. It is impossible to deal effectively with something unless we first accept it…
